Elevator woes

Living in a condo-hotel is entertaining and exasperating.

I’ve often wear earbuds and sunglasses when I’m in the elevator or lobby, otherwise I’ll be accosted with questions from the steady rotation of tourists. They spot me like an oasis in the desert — since I’m usually carrying groceries, laundry or mail — as their own personal tour guide.

No questions are off limits: How much is rent? What do you do? Where should I go? How many apartments are in this building? Are you married? Why do you live here? Where are you from originally?

I apparently look nice. I’m not. This is the city, and although it’s a tourist destination, you should be employing a few brain cells while here.

1. I can’t tell you how many people (grown adults) get in an elevator and don’t push a button for their floor. They usually realize a few floors past when they should have exited, but then have to ride with me to the 29^th floor. No, I’m not nice and point this out before they notice. It happens way too often. If you reached adult-status and don’t know to check for your floor when getting into an elevator ... I don’t even have anything to add to that. Basically, how have you survived this long? On the flip side, a good chunk of people get in the elevator, hover over the indicator panel for an extended length of time, then push a button that is already illuminated. This always makes me think of the opening scene of “Speed.”

2. No, I’m not going to hold the elevator for you when we stop by your floor and the rest of your party is still in your room. Elevators are hot commodities; there are only three for 31 floors. I’m going to stand there, looking at you while making no movement for the “open door” button until the door closes, unless of course, you’re physically challenged and need more time getting in. That’s just common courtesy.

3. At this point, you may think that I’m the one lacking in manners because I’m not making an extra effort. This is not the case; I employ general social and shared-space etiquette: holding doors, allowing others to exit/enter first and moving to allow extra space. I guess most people feel that while they are on vacation, these rules don’t apply to them.

For example, while waiting in the lobby for an elevator, most tourists will walk through the door, past the line of people who’ve been waiting much longer and enter an arriving elevator. Or they will try to enter the elevator while others are getting off. I’m not talking about that initial first reaction and step when an elevator arrives. I’m talking about pushing through a line of exiting people to enter the car. Or when everyone is exiting on the same floor, they shove past people in the front of the car to exit first to most likely stop and block traffic at some later point along the egress path. One of my “favorites” is when I’m carrying a bunch of items and am trying to get my key out to enter the building, while they stand on the other side, not carrying anything and not opening the door. The door doesn’t require a key to exit, so they are just standing there waiting for me to open the door for them, while I’m juggling several bags. You can bet at this point, that they’ll walk through the door first when I do get it open and will not hold it for me or after me.

I do actually talk and joke with some of these visitors. Yesterday, I started chatting with an older couple. They had just arrived and asked about the weather. I said it had been raining a lot, and they laughed, saying they had just come from cold and snow. I replied that’s why I live here; I’ve already lived in that. They of course ask where. “Wisc…(realizing they speak with a German accent and have no idea where that is) … the middle of the country, by Chicago.” The woman replies, “Wisconsin? That’s where we’re from.” Why of course, why wouldn’t a random couple in an elevator, with heavy German accents be from my home state?